Am I Praying To A Murderer?

The taste of hatred and spikes of agony, I will always bleed until they die somewhere deep inside of me…

Walked by the door, took a look at the mirror. The pieces of my memories shined through the shards, while I wished my memories peacefully leave my mind. Then a lady appeared, a knife in her hand, screaming bloody mary as she ran towards the end. I tried to shout and scream, promised myself to be honest. Wishing to see the mirror again, to know if i was alive, even though death was the closest. My thoughts and prayers were not very modest, but I wished for my life to be a big trick and demolish. Prayed the God to spare me one last time, until I hold all the shattered pieces with my heart.

Couldn’t run too far as my feet started to bleed, thats when it hit me that I was walking on the scraps of my needs. Tried to pick them up and place them somewhere in my veins, but they were too sharp but they still couldn’t cut through my chains. I was no longer saved, seen or heard, it was the end I waited and cherished for so long. But, oh god why couldnt it find me tomorrow, as I beg for more to eat but couldn’t swallow. Were my prayers too much to handle? Or maybe I was not enough for a starter.

I cried not so proudly as I picked out the pieces from my bleeding eyes. Held myself for one last time until I went to sleep, counting everything in my but the sheep, but oh God was it too hard to believe? I was going to grow up to be a teacher, a lover, maybe even a mother. A blessed and virtuous woman, never meant to dishonour. But, oh God was this body too big for the collapse and might’ve been a goner.

She left me by myself in the room as I sang, the melody I knew my mother told me to remember while I hang. Left with my own presence was a curse not for the weak per say, but I was sure it didn’t felt safe knowing I have to obey. These walls, these rooms, these windows, these halls… Maybe I was too big for them all. I knew my life was not gonna end soon or later on, since I had to believe that God was the greatest of them all. He takes and gives life to one without consent, so maybe all the men are from his descent.

As these thoughts made my mind so blank, she appeared for one last time as my heart sank. Even if she wanted me dead, she was the only one who didn’t care if i was in their bed. As I walked towards her a feeling appeared out of nowhere, maybe it was my demons telling me I wasn’t really there. Soon she approached me with a silent smile, begging to show me 32 teeth and a rival. I never thought I would be happy seeing her tumble, cause I never wished to hug death at arrival.

The songs stopped, my heart beat was nowhere to be seen. She was silver while I shiver in my sleep. I counted the sheep from one to ten. Hoping to wake up, is this really the end? Oh God, I begged for my death. Was it too early? I never knew what the time was yet. The house was warm but the floors were made of stone. They made me sick, so crashed a vase on the hall. I crashed my head, so now she is a decoration on the wall. I hear screams from the other side of the call. My death is near so I hear him call me by the name my dad called me from the second floor. Cause he forgot who I was, so now I don’t know who I was before.

“Now sleep my child, find the peace in the light. We will remember you, for the next 20 nights. You will be gone and cold but heart still beating till the fight. Oh, my child,” said God with a wicked smile and a heart. “you lived in this place without a doubt. But, oh my child, you begged until you died.”